You Know You've Lived in China Too Long When...
The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply “Up To You”.
You get your first case of bronchitis and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life.
You can swear in 3 different dialects.
You are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again.
When you think it’s alright to stick your head into a stranger’s apartment to see if anybody’s home.
You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
Pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s sweet corn on it.
Eating at “Western” restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
You (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples.
You have a purse and you are male.
You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
You cannot say “Call me.” without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
You forgot the real purpose of the mirrors in the car.
You think the head light for the car is only to see the street so it’s more safe to switch on the high beam always.
You start to enjoy warm beer.
You instinctively shake out your clothes before wearing to remove any dust from drying on your balcony.
You don’t blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.
You know the words to all the KTV songs (English and Chinese).
When you go back to your own country it feels odd wearing a seat belt and you think its strange that you cant smoke in a taxi.
You start correcting Southerners on their Putonghua.
When you can’t imagine a meal without yi wan mi fan! (a bowl of rice).
When you go back to your home country and you find it odd that when going out to a restaurant, you don’t have 5 wait staff welcoming you at the same time.
You find it strange when everyone’s food at a restaurant is brought out at the same time.
You start making lists like this.